| (kein Betreff) |
[Mai. 25., 2008|12:34 am] |
I wish I could get a steady job, move somewhere peaceful, marry a pretty girl and just relax. If I could have anything in life, it'd be those few things.
I think the transcendentalists really had an extraordinary view on life. I wish I was as in touch with nature as they were. Nature seems to be a really good source of joy and fulfillment, at least the little I've enjoyed of it. That night at the waterfall was the best night I've ever experienced in my whole life. Mind you there was another factor to that, being with a cute girl, but the waterfall made everything so much better. I wish there was somewhere around here like rugid and mountainy so I could take a hike. |
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| (kein Betreff) |
[Mai. 23., 2008|08:40 pm] |
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my life sucks man. enjoy yours. |
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| (kein Betreff) |
[Mai. 17., 2008|08:40 pm] |
Im sorry. Patience hasn't served me well. I feel bad about the way I've treated people in the past. Not meaning that I was a dick and a blatant asshole, although I'm sure I was many times. I'm just now realizing how my attitude reflects poorly on myself to other people I interact with man. I don't mean to be a dick if I'm not talking to you, that's just how I am. It's impossible for me to catch it though because inside I think I'm normal. I feel bad. I was just reading old stuff and realizing how good people have been to me, and then it comes to mind how I act in response. I kind of shut people out of my life, and I don't know that I'm doing it. It's going to fuck me up so bad in the long run. Thanks to everyone that was ever nice to me, and I'm sorry if I ever did anything to make it seem like I didn't appreciate it or like you or something of the sort. I know not everyone I ever offended is going to read this, it's just I wanted to get it out there. It's for me really. I've been feeling really shitty lately and writing stuff usually helps.
I wish my life meant something. I realize I'm going to live a pretty decent life, I hope anyways, but what am I really going to contribute to life. I'm going to end up going to a decent school, get a decent job, get a decent wife, live a decent life, have decent kids, have a decent retirement, and a well attended funeral hopefully. When you think about it, the world would go on without you anyway (you dont really have to think too hard on that one.) So what's the point? Guys like George Washington, Einstein, even fucking King Tut made a huge fucking impact on life. Can I really do something like that? We're like fucking ants. Theres so many it doesn't mean a thing if you kill a few. Life goes on, and what did you contribute? If you're not going to do something great, you may as well do something you fucking enjoy.
If there is a god, I hope before he sends me to heaven or hell or whatever he decides, he lets me watch my funeral procession. One of the only things I want to know in life is who would show up. |
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| feels good to write |
[Apr. 28., 2008|09:37 pm] |
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I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. One day I'm so content with everything thinking about the future the next I'm like in a my-life-fucking-sucks-wish-i-was-dead kind of moods. I wish I didn't go to Claudia's on saturday. I feel like a complete ass. Fuck life man. Fuck math. I don't want to take fucking calculus anymore. Go fuck yourself Mr. Roos and your tree-hating self. Fuck you. Fuck school. If you play an instrument and are good at it, you are so fucking lucky man. Drop out of school and join a band or some shit and do what us wannabees could never do. Fuck man. |
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| (kein Betreff) |
[Apr. 15., 2008|10:13 pm] |
this is for me.
riding high on a cloud. not so good, cause im worried about falling, but the view is awesome. A couple words, bam, you're falling to the ground. It's cool, i have a parachute. a couple more words, its gone. you're falling. the worst part is, the grounds so far away, you have to suffer the pain a while more. sorry man. that's life. |
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| (kein Betreff) |
[Sep. 28., 2007|06:43 pm] |
In the front yard at a high school in Jena, Louisiana, with a total population of 4,000, there sits a tree. This is "the white tree", where only white students sit during breaks.
-After asking numerous teachers about this, it was reported that both white and black students had been seen sitting under this tree.
In September of 2006, a black student asked 'permission' from the school administration, if he could sit under the tree. They said he could sit anywhere.
-The administration stated in an interview that the black student asked him in a joking manor, not being serious about it.
The very next day, three nooses, in the schools colors, hung from "the white tree".
-You should really stop calling it that.
Three white students were identified as being responsible and the principle recommended they be expelled from school. However, the white superintendent said, "Adolescents play pranks," the superintendent told the Chicago Tribune, "I don't think it was a threat against anybody," and gave them a three day suspension instead.
-Ha. That's simply not true. "According to LaSalle Parish School Superintendent Roy Breithaupt, however, the three students were isolated at an alternative school for nine days, spent two weeks on in-school suspension, served Saturday detentions, had to attend Discipline Court, were referred to Families in Need of Services, and had to have an evaluation before they were able to return to school as part of the district's Crises Management Policy Procedures." Wikipedia. (which by the way, you might argue isnt reliable, but a recent study showed it was over 90% accurate, it was even higher like 99 but i forget the exact number.)
A few days later, the entire black student body protested the no-nothing 'punishment' and sat under "the white tree". That day the white District Attorney came to Jena High School for an impromptu assembly, with back-up law enforcement. It has been reported that the DA threatened the silent black students who were sitting under the tree, saying if the did not stop making a fuss about the "innocent prank...I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. I can take away your lives with a stroke of my pen." The school was then put on lockdown for the remaining week.
-This is debated as to whether or not this really even was said.
Thursday night, November 30th, 2006, a fire burned down the main academic building of Jena High School. This incident is still unresolved.
Friday night, December 1st, a black student was beaten by a group of white students at a "white party".
-The black student was told repeatedly to leave and that he was not welcome, but would not leave. You get what you deserve man.
Saturday, December 2nd, at the Gotta Go convenience store, the black student who was beaten up the night before, along with his friends, ran into one of the white students who beat him. A confrontation broke out and the white student went to his vehicle to get his shotgun. The black students wrestled the shotgun away from him and brought it to the police department and told them of the incident. The black students were arrested for stealing the gun. The white student was not charged.
-Even I'll agree thats a little rediculous they got charged for stealing the gun, but the white student was most likely defending himself so him not being charged is the right decision I think.
Monday, December 4th, 2006, a white student, Justin Barker, was attacked at school by a group of black students for taunting them with racial slurs and verbally supporting the nooses that were hung on "the white tree" and also supporting the white students who beat up the black student at the party. He was treated at a hospital and released the same day, attending a social function that evening.
-Ha man they make it seem like he wasn't even hurt. Did you see the word "attacked". They don't say got into a fight. He was beat bloody unconscious.
Six black students were arrested for beating Barker, and charged with attempted second-degree murder and conspiracy to commit murder. These charges hold a possible sentence of twenty to one hundred years in prison. They were all immediately expelled from school.
-As they should be, that was a very violent crime.
17-year-old Robert Bailey Junior -bail was set at $138,000 17-year-old Theo Shaw - bail was set at $130,000
18-year-old Carwin Jones - bail was set at $100,000
17-year-old Bryant Purvis - bail was set at $70,000
16 year old Mychal Bell - bail was set at $90,000 (a sophomore in high school, was charged as an adult)
There remains another unidentified minor
Mychal Bell remained in jail from December 2006 until his trial because his family was unable to post the $90,000 bond. Theo Shaw has also remained in jail. Several of the other defendants remained in jail for months until their families could raise the money for bond.
-That bail is a little rediculous, but it could be argued acurate because of his previous and numerous criminal record.
In the local paper, the 'incident' was reported as fact and the white DA Reed Walters published a statement saying, "When you are convicted, I will seek the maximum penalty allowed by law."
-I'm not defending that guy ha.
. . . .
On July 31st, 2007, Mychal Bell will be sentenced. He is facing up to twenty-two years in prison.
-I'm pretty sure thats actually inacurate because an appeals court overruled the decision saying that he should not have been tried as a nadult.
The remaining five students await their trial on charges of attempted second-degree murder and conspiracy to commit murder. They face up to 100 years in prison."
The white student who was beaten at the convenience store was later arrested for bringing a hunting rifle loaded with 13 bullets onto a high school campus. He was released on $5000 bond. The white man who beat up the black youth at the off-campus party was arrested and charged with battery.
The white students who hung up the nooses in "the white tree" have never been charged.
-Thats because they didnt do anything to harm anyone else. What they did may have been considered a hate crime, but it still doesnt deserve anywhere near close to what bell deserves.
And by the way I don't deny and racism in this whole case, I just think it's being blown wayyyyy out of proportion, our government isnt set up so that you can run it however you want. |
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| i feel like writing |
[Sep. 16., 2007|12:24 am] |
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i woke up today and felt like total shit. i mumbled my words in attempts to talk(yeah, more than i normally do) i barely could keep my eyes open, my nose was clogged, i felt dizzy, i basically felt nothing though. it was like a state of lethargy. i just wanted to do nothing, say nothing, i felt nothing. i dont know i wasn't even tired. I feel like writing, but not the kind of writing about racism in american like mrs jean paul wants, or writing for sheridan, or anything mandatory and with strict guidelines, i just feel like writing. thats what this is for i guess. i feel good right now, and that french vanilla cappucino i had earlier is probably contributing to that. you ever want to say something but you just cant? im not talking about like the gay cliche way of meaning that, like saying i love you in a movie or something. like sometimes when people say stuff to me i want to say something in my mind, not like bad stuff that i choose not to say, just replys that i tell myself to say, but instead of saying them i just sit there and dont say anything. like sometimes i want to carry a conversation but just dont have the willpower to put forth the effort, which sounds weird because talking really isnt that big of an effort. its a strange feeling i get sometimes. not really a feeling actually just like a state i guess. i love the feeling of fall nights. i could cruise around on my longboard/walk around all night if i was allowed. it just makes me feel so relaxed, i dont know how anyone could get angry walking around on a night like tonight. stupid soccer schedule only has one home night game. that sucks man. the night games are one of my favorite things. i love the feeling you get playing under the lights, with somewhat of a crowd there to cheer you on. it makes me feel good, and important i guess, being part of the team. the feeling of scoring a goal in front of the crowd is awesome. makes you feel great. i wish more people were chill. theres so much "drama" its so stupid. i was somewhere the other night and fucking best friends were getting pissed at each other over the littlest shit. people have to take it easy, and thats coming from a rather somewhat serious person(even though i like to think im laid back, but thats what my parents say). i wish philly turned off all its lights at night. i want to be able to just lie out somewhere and look at the stars, preferably with a chick, but im never too lucky in that category. i hate the pressure of school. i hate standards. i want to just take it easy and enjoy the ride but sometimes its not possible. i got yelled, well not literally, at today because i wrote "i took a shit" on one of my german assignments for something i did over the summer and herr oehlers talked to my mom about it. i knew it wasn't funny, and i knew it was innapropriate, but i seriously blanked out on verbs. and people just need to relax. i don't view it as a big deal at all, but because i did better before i guess i always have to do that well. i know hard work is good and all, but if you worked hard all your life, and never got to enjoy yourself, what are you working hard for. i know theres all different kinds of situations, but if you go through life without enjoying it, you should just kill yourself, and im dead serious. shouldn't you enjoy life. AP History, whats the fucking point. i had to do a good amount of work in the summer, and for what. an extra fucking .1 points on my GPA. do you know how many kids are in that class, 7. do you know how many fucking jobs there are in the world. i know people are bitching about so few jobs these days, and outsourcing and crap, but im pretty sure theres more than 7 jobs in the world. and even if there were, just because you have an extra .1 points on your GPA doesnt even mean you should get it. no offense to anyone in that class, but if those 7 jobs required people skills, none of you except maybe like 2 would fucking get it. if you have to sacrifice a personality for a little advantage for going to a college, i personally dont think its worth it. not taking an AP class isn't going to kill anyone. i guaruntee you theres so many people that are doing far better for themselves than the people who took higher classes than them. its a fucking stupid concept as far as im concerned. little things make me happy. i was just thinking about that as i closed out of this to get a drink real quick, and now i forget what made m think of it. dry humors underated. i love it. suttle things you kind of have to think about make for the funniest things. thats why i think id love british television. i want to go out to california sometime, but not as bad as i want to go to ireland next summer. i think we might. thatd be pretty awesome. i wish i had the movie good will hunting. ive wanted to watch that again for so long and havent been able to catch it on tv. its probably my favorite movie. i dont think a movie and soundtrack have ever gone together so well as good will hunting does with its soundtrack. the songs elliott smith plays for it match the mood perfectly. it even makes the movie better i think. its kind of funny cause if anyone reading this that saw it would maybe know it kinda contradicts what i was talking about earlier with applying yourself in school. he does the polar opposite of that, and is unsuccesful, although to some maybe hes living the dream. if anyones still reading this by now i just gotta say you really value what i think so thanks for actually taking the time to read this. im not even counting on anyone reading this actually, just pretty much writing to myself. kind of like talking to myself in a way. maybe crazy people who talk to themselves should just write, they might write some good stuff. sometimes i think its hard for people to caryy on a conversation with me. i get the feeling im weird, even though theres weird people who can carry conversations really well probably. i think its really funny how david beckham has a "impossible is nothing" commercial. if you had a rough life, i dont know what the fuck you would call a normal persons life. honestly man, you didnt overcome shit. you were always really good, you still are really good, youre fucking filthy rich, were filthy rich since you first signed a contract, and had a hot wife for a while now. what about the players who fucking work their asses off just so they can get a substitution in the last minutes of the game. thats impossible is nothing material. im running out of ideas to write. ha that coincides with somethign else nevermind inside joke with only myself and not even a jojke nevermind. i wish for a lot of things i just realized. i guess thats the concept of hard work. work to make things happen. wishing wont accomplish shit. it is a lot easier though. isnt it interesting think about how you end up. the whole point of life is (whatever you think here) but in the end everyone dies. if you believe in heaven, doesnt everyone going there go to the same one. nothing in life really matters then does it, except for i mean like sins and stuff if you believe in hell. so isnt everything just a waste of time. its interesting to think about. i think theres a book we have to read about that concept but im not sure what it is. i want to read it though. first time ive ever wanted to read a book. i actually dont want to read it, i just want to know it. if someone explained it to me id be just as satisfied. i dont know where i want to go college. part of me wants to go far away and part of me wants to stay local. i guess most people feel that way though. i really liked lehigh's campus, but its a) hard to get in(thats what she said) b) really expensive(and with the hard to get in part, scholarships for me are few to none) and c) nearly impossible for someone like me to get on a soccer team of that standard(if i want to play in college not sure yet). i wouldnt mind going to school in philly. i think itd be cool live in the city. maybe get a shot a couple of times who knows. maybe see anthony green walking down the street, maybe hell even be involved in the shooting. smiling the whole time of course. i really want to be in a band. my musical talent is limited though. i really cant contribute shit except bass lines. i wish i was a better musician. i want the feeling of playing a show, always have. i dont want to go through life without playing at least 1 show. i think thatd rank among one of the top feelings in life. even just playing music i enjoyed. when the black drop was still playing it was so fucking fun jamming in joes basement. man i wish we still jammed. i wish i knew what i wanted to do when i got older, like had a passion or something. cause i have no idea, and i hope i figure it out before im fucked doing something i dont enjoy. "What's money? A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and goes to bed at night and in between does what he wants to do." -Bob Dylan. |
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| (kein Betreff) |
[Dez. 28., 2006|04:59 am] |
to do (in the near future or sometime) list:
-Listen to Circa Survive's cd Juturna the whole way through with no interruptions.
-Longboard at like 2 in the morning so there'll be barely any cars on the road
-write that good job letter ive been talking about for a long time
-get the girl, james bond style |
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| (kein Betreff) |
[Dez. 25., 2006|07:45 pm] |
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great christmas. got a bunch of good stuff. hoodies, a head and a longboard. just wish it wasnt raining so i could go ride around some more on my longboard. i did this morning though and it was awesome. |
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| (kein Betreff) |
[Dez. 14., 2006|03:57 am] |
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i can't decide whether or not i want to go to germany or not. its fucking killing me |
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